So my mom has been in the hospital in unbelievable pain all week and I’m like. What if I got people to read her smutty books. And she gets out of the hospital to hit like thousands of reads on Kindle
The problems with this plan;
She writes mostly m/f (well, m/m/m/m/f occasionally and everyone I know is a homosexual of some type)
I don’t know how to market romance/smut
I don’t know how to say “will you read my mom’s porn” without it being weird
Basically if anyone has ideas I’d love to hear them
Here’s a site that has literally every official (and most UA) dnd stuff
including the books and campaigns
and you can add homebrew
Hey rb this!!!
Guys don’t share this kinda thing people may use it to get access to the dnd source books for free instead of paying for them. This is extremely dangerous for the flawless company that wizards of the coast is.
I have to laugh at the folks in the notes claiming this is fake because “no 2-yr old is that advanced”. My guys, I work at a daycare almost exclusively with 2-3 year olds and let me tell you some of the wild shit I heard this last week alone,
“Uhhh, i ASSUME we’re going to the playground soon??” -2.5 year old girl
“[3 year old boy] pushed me because he doesn’t have a manners.” -2 yr old girl
“Did you spill your water?” “No no no no it’s not a concern” -2 yr old boy (while running away, dripping wet)
The two year-old is now a solid two and a half. Just now, he was sitting on the couch playing with his pretend flip phone and he frowned and said “for gods sake. My battery is empty.”
The other day at breakfast I asked him if he was going to eat any more of his oatmeal and he said “no, I think I’m just gonna move on with my life.”
If you don’t have a lot of interactions with young children:
Kids are smarter than you think
Six months makes a really big difference when that is 1/5 of the total time you’ve been alive
All this, and also, they can tell you lots about their favorite things. My 2 year old nephew can tell you all about Star Wars (the 8 movies he’s seen at least) and loves going out of his way to bring up how Anakin was good and bad and good again when he died. Trust me, little kids learn and mimic and reenact all the things they get attached to. Also, he named his first fish Jengo Fett, and all following fish Boba Fett, so juries still out on how much he understands clones.
Kids pick up the language that’s used around and to them. Mannerisms too. They are tiny, efficient mimics and it will come out at the WEIRDEST times. Young kids will ABSOLUTELY say all the stuff listed here.
My cousin was somewhere between two and three, and I’d just arrived at her house, and she’s animatedly telling me a story of some kind, and I listen as I make my way through the house, get to the couch, and kick my shoes off. She stops dead in the middle of her sentence, puts her hands on her hips, levels me with a glare the likes of which I haven’t seen since, and goes, “WHAT are they doing there? Do you think the box at the front door is for DECORATION?”
Her mum, standing in the kitchen and watching all this, was GOBSMACKED. Apparently she said that exact phrase more often than she realised, and her kid had picked it up verbatim and started using it on unsuspecting guests (me).
(I got up and put my shoes in the box at the front door immediately)
My family’s lore includes the time my mother offhandedly said to Cousin’s son–who was maybe five–that Cousin’s wife certainly did have strong opinions about some minor thing, and the kid let out a sigh and said, in the driest and flattest and most world-weary tone you’ve ever heard, “Tell me about it.”
once i was helping with a class of 3 year olds and during drawing time one girl asked for a lion, specifically a lioness. i drew it and she just looked in silence so thinking she wanted a more liony lion i was like “do you want me to draw a boy lion next?” and she gives me this 🤨ass affronted look and says “umm she doesn’t NEED a man.”
Kids will do three things reliably:
Repeat what they’ve heard, incorrectly and/or in the wrong context, to comic effect
Repeat what they’ve heard in exactly the correct context, which is somehow even funnier
Casually knock you on your ass with some offhand, but utterly profound, original statement
My five years old Niece has started going “Too bad, so sad.” And when called on it not being very nice goes “That’s what Mama always says.”
When my kid was about 2.5 I’d ask her to clean up her room or help me with chores and she’d say, “I don’t think that sounds like a good idea, mom.”
When Google voice said “what can I help you with?” And in a 5 year old’s voice of complete despair she whispered “Keeping. It. Together.”
When she was 6 we passed an accident on the road and upon seeing the cops standing behind the roadblock while EMTS helped someone on the floor she said, “Who even needs cops?”
