That’s such a sick baby picture to have. The rest of us are all like “oh this is me tripping in the backyard when I was 2” and that baby’s gonna have “yeah that’s me in my mom’s arms as she wins a mortal Kombat tournament”. Iconic.
Girl help they’re selectively breeding the world’s most powerful Mortal Kombat player.
I can explain. In Poland, this is one of the first signs of Spring, the so-called “kotki” - “kittens” on the willow trees. Just a botanical occurrence, happening every year, usually some time in late March.
We don’t appreciate the fact that Bruce Wayne is a Kardasian level celebrity enough. Everyone knows him. I want more one shots and crack fic moments where the League (Pre identity reveals) just openly talk about Bruce Wayne in front of Batman.
Just imagine them playing fuck, marry, kill with famous actors and such and throwing Bruce into the mix. And Batman just sits there, silently suffering as he listens to the reasons why Flash and Lantern would marry, fuck, or kill him. He prays they choose kill. They don’t.
Barry: Eat the rich!
Bruce: Oh thank Go-
Clark: Oh, I intend to 🥴🥵
It’s Batman’s turn. Bruce needs to decide whether to marry himself for the money or throw himself off the cliff.
Okay but can you imagine what kind of identity reveal situation that would be?
“I would fuck —-, I would marry —-, and then I would commit suicide.”
“Batman, that’s not how the game is played. You have to choose for Bruce Wayne.”
“I did.”
“…WHAT?!”
“I would kill Bruce Wayne just to get him out of this conversation.”
This works best if the reveal comes after literally everyone else has played, and half of the people have said “I’d marry Bruce Wayne for the money” and the other half have not only said that they’d fuck him, but been reasonably graphic as to how.
Flash: So, tall, dark, and scary, what’ll it be? Are you going to marry Bruce Wayne so he can fund all of your sick gadgets? Maybe you’ll be a gentle lover to him like Aquaman here, work him over like a hunk of meat like Supes? Or maybe Brucie is the one person in the world you break your code for. Come on, what’ve you got for us?
Batman: -pauses- Honestly, I don’t think there will ever be a better time for this. -pulls off his cowl-
[Image ID: Tags reading “#bruce to himself: #do I keep my secret identity secret or deliver the greatest punchline in the history of situational comedy” End ID]
